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Counsel of the Month

Stubbornness Nature in Children .. Causes and Treatment
Some children are largely characterized by stubbornness. Stubbornness is a common characteristic of childhood. Hence, the father and the mother should not accuse the child of willful stubbornness, but instead they are to encourage him to act contrarily by telling stories that make him hate stubbornness, for instance: to compare stubborn people to the devil that defied God and disobeyed the command given by Allah Who threw the devil into hell. By doing so, the child will avoid stubbornness.
It is quite important that parents make sure the stubborn child is not sick and this stubbornness is just a characteristic of his age. For instance, if he climbs in bed with dirty feet and refuses to get off the bed and refuses to sleep or determined to refuse the same, parents should encourage him instead of insulting or punishing him.
Symptoms of Stubbornness
There are many symptoms of stubbornness in children, among which attachment to their own opinion and limited thinking, which surprises and embarrasses us. The child, for instance, refuses to listen to the adults’ commands, and acts according to his desires, even if his acts are inappropriate, or does not act reasonably and logically.
Moreover, the child refuses many major things such as maintaining personal hygiene, washing his face, bathing, drinking a cup of milk, sleeping on time. Hence, he likely tends to be more attached to his own opinion refusing to listen to the adults’ commands. This could be acceptable during the child’s first years; however, it is totally inacceptable during the following years. Some mothers and fathers might consider this stubbornness as a further evidence of their child’s strong personality. In point of fact, this behavior is not related in any way to this wrong concept. Stubbornness reflects negative practices that put the child away from sound social interaction, and stubbornness is rather a bickering than self-esteem.
Stubbornness is associated with cruelty and aggression. We notice that some children known for their stubbornness can tend to be a bit aggressive and cruel. This aggression or cruelty is reflected through some of their acts, such as tearing their clothes, breaking expensive antique articles, attacking animals, corrupting the walls in the house or at school by misusing pens.  Those weird acts could make the child feel strong and proud. In fact, what would cause a child to act such a way? He seeks to be equal with adults severity-wise, or tends to express himself aggressively.
Among the reasons that push the child towards stubbornness: strained family relations, severity of parents which increases the attempts of the child to take revenge by acting similarly.
Treatment of Stubbornness:
- Children performing resistance should not be faced by counter-resistance. However, parents should reach an understanding with them, convince and encourage them to stop acting the way they do so that they understand how to act in a sound and logical manner.
- Avoid over-protection and excessive spoiling methods since they have negative impact on children.
- Do not push the child to perform certain behaviors as regards food and clothes, or take into account the tactfulness. This over-submission could lead to greater exposure to negative influences on children.
- Parents shall not have preference over one child, because this preference could often be a reason of stubbornness in children.
- Develop the exchange of views among children so that the child could feel he is in control at times and dependent at others.